5 Years, Its Been a while! Being happy has nothing to do with depression!

Things fall apart, they break, and that’s life,

It’s beautiful like that in a sense

But fuck,

It was life then that broke,

And since then I have been falling apart,

No ten year-old should feel to such a capacity, it should not be within our context of thought

Yet I was gifted this ability to see into souls,

I understood the disconnect of not being wanted, and as I look at my new born daughter,

I cry for the five year old who wondered why his father beat him as he did,

You see, mine is not the pain which is burned to memory,

At twelve years of age I started to lose those I loved, 

Was I supposed to know what coke concealed in a dollar bill would do to my mother?

I remember her tears; I remember an emotion,

Something that is now so hard to come upon,

Father no comfort he was only a tenant;

Father no comfort he was also the villain,

You see you broke them,

And it’s probably why I feel you constantly take,

You broke innocence, and since you were older then I am now,

Fuck you,

I am teaching a child not even my blood, own your actions,

I have been reckless with love, many can attest,

But not with those where love should’ve been unconditional,

And one month into fatherhood, I understand unconditional,

So now I question more than before,

Am I pissing into the wind? Bit early to know,

But I have a pretty good outline of what not to do,

At least you taught me that,

Just wish it was not the only lesson shared!